Reassurance
by PhaiFan
Summary: Sometimes even Alexander feels insecure and needs some reassurance. Thankfully, he has Hephaestion to do just that.


Alexander hadn't slept well at all. He was plagued by troubling thoughts that he had been trying to ignore, but he couldn't seem to shake them from his mind. It wasn't even light out, but Alexander knew there wasn't much point in trying to go back to sleep now. A soft snore caught his attention, and he glanced over at the sleeping form next to him

Hephaestion was still deep in sleep, his breathing slow and deep and steady, his chest rising and falling with each breath. He was bare to the waist, his hips covered with rumpled sheets and one long, lean leg peeking out from under the bedclothes. Beautiful cerulean eyes were concealed by delicate eyelids and long, dark lashes.

He was breathtaking, even in sleep.

Pushing his troubling thoughts aside, Alexander lay on his side, watching Hephaestion sleep. It was rare to see him sleeping so soundly, as often his sleep was light and disturbed by the least thing. Hephaestion was ever vigilant, even at rest, and Alexander never felt safer than when Hephaestion was by his side. It was also rare for them to spend a night together these days. Life was much more complicated than it once was. Hephaestion had been so exhausted that when Alexander invited him to stay and get some sleep, he hadn't argued at all. Alexander was glad of it. He missed sleeping next to Hephaestion. He reached over and gently brushed away a strand of hair from Hephaestion's forehead, halting his movements when Hephaestion stirred, a soft sigh escaping his slightly parted lips.

Alexander couldn't help it. He tried to keep from touching Hephaestion for fear of waking him, but he failed miserably. He ghosted his fingers very lightly over Hephaestion's face, feeling the rough stubble on his jaw line. After a couple of difficult days of diplomatic meetings, Hephaestion had been too tired to take time to shave, but Alexander didn't mind. There was something undeniable sexy about it. After waiting to make sure he hadn't woken him, Alexander continued his soft exploration of Hephaestion's skin. He very lightly stroked his fingers over Hephaestion's shoulder. Strong shoulders they were, often bearing far more than they should have to. With the lightest of touches, Alexander traced his way across Hephaestion's collar-bone and then trailed a single finger down the middle of the strongly muscled chest. When his finger reached the well defined abs, the muscles tightened and Hephaestion drew a deep breath.

Alexander looked up to find Hephaestion watching him, his eyes still heavy with sleep. Alexander frowned slightly. "I'm sorry, Hephaestion. I didn't mean to wake you." He looked down and exhaled a small sigh.

Hephaestion knew that sound. He reached over and tugged gently on a golden curl. "Come here, Alexander."

Alexander nodded and moved closer, snuggling his face into the crook of Hephaestion's neck as strong arms wrapped around him. He turned his face to lay his head on Hephaestion's chest. He could hear the steady rhythm of Hephaestion's heart, and he sighed again and felt himself begin to relax as gentle fingers carded through his hair.

"What's wrong, Alexander? What are you thinking about?" Hephaestion asked softly, still running his fingers soothingly through Alexander's hair.

Alexander raised his head, dark eyes meeting clear blue ones, concern clearly written on Hephaestion's face. Alexander chuckled softly. "I would tell you 'nothing', but you know me far too well to believe that."

Hephaestion nodded but said nothing, merely cocking an eyebrow and waiting for a response.

Alexander sighed yet again and rested his head against Hephaestion's shoulder, snuggling deeper into the embrace. This was a vulnerable and very human side of himself that only Hephaestion was allowed to see. He was silent for a few moments, gathering his thoughts as Hephaestion hugged him close and waited patiently.

Finally, he spoke, his voice soft and low and slightly hesitant. "Hephaestion….am I crazy?"

The fingers that had been toying with Alexander's hair froze as Hephaestion took a moment to process that question. When he didn't answer immediately, Alexander glanced up at him. Hephaestion opened his mouth to speak, and then promptly closed it. He wasn't quite sure what to say. "Alexander, what on earth are you talking about? Why do you ask me that?"

"My dreams, Hephaestion. Am I going too far? I know you've heard talk from the others." He shook his head, his voice reflecting the frustration he obviously felt. "Be honest with me"

"I've never been anything less, Alexander. You know that." Hephaestion pondered the question for a few moments. "I do hear a lot of things, some good and some bad. But that's always been true. It's the nature of the beast. You will never please everyone no matter what you do."

Alexander sat up, frowning slightly. "I know that, and I'm quite used to making unpopular decisions sometimes. But Hephaestion, you said it yourself once. You said that sometimes this all seems so much larger than us. Do you still feel that way?"

Hephaestion yawned and stretched and sat up in the bed. He reached over and poured himself a cup of wine, pouring one for Alexander as well and handing it to him. "We were much younger when I said that, if you recall. It was before Gaugamela, and at the time it did seem a very daunting task." He smiled.

Alexander took a drink of his wine and returned the smile, obviously proud. "I knew we could do it. Their numbers were greater, but they didn't have our heart or our passion. Darius didn't have such noble and loyal men."

Hephaestion nodded. "And that is exactly where I was going with this. You inspired them, Alexander. They looked to you and they believed they could do anything. We were all better men because of you." He drained his wine cup and sat it down on the bedside table, turning to face Alexander again. "We still are."

Alexander took another drink of wine and handed the cup to Hephaestion, who sat it on the table next to his own. "Then why do they doubt me now? Have I ever given them reason to? Oh, I know things have not been easy, but I have shared every hardship with them, Hephaestion! I have never asked them to do anything that I wasn't willing to do myself. If they suffered, I did as well. Any wealth that was won, I shared with them." He bit his lip, shaking his head in frustration. "I don't understand."

"Alexander…" Hephaestion spoke in a low, gentle tone, "the men are tired. These last few months have been especially difficult. For all of us." He reached out and took Alexander's hand, lacing their fingers together. "I think they wonder if there ever will be an end." He took note of the surprise in Alexander's eyes. "You said you wanted me to be honest…"

"Yes, I did." He rubbed his thumb absently over the back of Hephaestion's hand. "Maybe I am crazy."

"No, you're not." Hephaestion shook his head. "What you are, Alexander, is a dreamer, and your dreams have carried us to places we never imagined. We have gone farther, seen more, done more, than anyone ever has before. You have a vision, and you have made us all a part of it."

Alexander sighed. "Then why? What do they want?"

"They just need some time, Alexander. They need rest. You told me we were going to stop and rest when we reached Taxila, but have you told the men that?"

"No, I haven't. I had planned on having a council meeting soon to discuss the matter." He held Hephaestion's gaze a moment. "I should have done that already." He smiled slightly, a sense of pride filling him. "They are good men, Hephaestion. All of them. They have given their all to me many times over, and I owe them everything. I will call a meeting today and tell my plans to my officers. I'm sure they will be more than happy to spread the word to their men. I will give them a must needed rest and reward them generously for their service and sacrifice. A few months there will be good for all of us."

"I agree." Hephaestion reached over with his free hand and gently brushed a curl from Alexander's eyes. "Alexander, the men still love you. They do. You inspire them. With you, they are more than they thought they could be. Just don't forget to listen to them sometimes. They need to feel like you still care about them. It might sound like a silly thing for such brave men, but they need that. Give them that and they will follow you anywhere."

Alexander smiled, his expression tender. "Hephaestion, I would be lost without you. You keep me grounded and remind me of what's important. I owe you far more than I can ever say." He felt himself relax, his mind at peace for the first time in several days. The lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with him, and he yawned widely.

Hephaestion took note of the dark circles under Alexander's eyes and the way his shoulders slumped ever so slightly. "Alexander, have you slept at all?"

"Not a lot." He chuckled softly. "Does it show?"

Hephaestion lay back on the bed, gently pulling Alexander down with him. He wrapped himself around an exhausted Alexander and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead. "It isn't light out yet. We don't have to be up for a little while. Why don't you sleep? I'll be right here."

Alexander melted into Hephaestion's embrace and sighed contentedly, his eyes already getting heavy. "Hephaestion?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Hephaestion leaned in and very lightly kissed Alexander, his lips soft and warm against his mouth. "Go to sleep, Alexander."

Within moments, Alexander was asleep. He looked so young like this, and Hephaestion was glad to see the tension melt away from his body. Hephaestion yawned, still quite tired himself. He kissed Alexander on the forehead again, whispering softly against his skin. "I love you, Alexander."

Hephaestion knew that Alexander depended on him for so many things. It was an awesome responsibility, but he thanked the gods for the gift he had been given, and was humbled and honored that Alexander trusted him, needed him, and yes, loved him.

Even the great king had his insecurities, and Hephaestion was happy that he could give Alexander some measure of reassurance. Seeing Alexander finally relaxed and at peace, Hephaestion settled his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. He soon followed Alexander in sleep.

For the moment at least, all was right with the world. They would tackle tomorrow together.


End file.
